the truth about black and white and the things in between

illegal labor, a new jungle

2007-07-07T01:24:00.000-07:00

i got a forwarded email from my mother today that told a (probably fictionalized) story from an enraged 'american mother' whose daughter had gone to a colorado court for a speeding ticket. the basic gist of the story was that illegal, non-english-speaking immigrant offenders were handled by the court first, because the interpreters employed by the state refused to work after a certain time. the

2007-06-08T14:37:00.000-07:00

i was doing a little random internet reading just now, and i found a page of relatively interesting essays by someone named A.Y. Siu. there are pieces about this person's christian beliefs (which are fairly insightful), computer topics(mostly linux stuff), education (he/she seems to be an english teacher)and then a multitude of sociological issues. i wasn't able to discern Siu's gender for

a fake polaroid

2007-04-14T03:53:00.000-07:00

of real love.this is a picture of meand my favorite person in the worldmy robot...just felt like sharing a little ray of sunlight,in this blog, whose mood is more often than not pretty overcast.i dearly miss writing for this blog, but i'm still learning to balance a full-time job with actually living my life.i will be back soon enough, i promise you this.in the meantime, my myspace has become the

supression

2007-03-13T22:48:00.001-07:00

clutching the guardrail, her pulse quickens and she contemplates what it was that brought her here today. as she ascends, every step is a snapshot from her past; the night they met, all the shows since then, the bus, 'the fixes', and the grimy men's room door she'd seen him walk through thursday night.each step a memory; the altar is high enough for exaltation, and low enough to remind her how

she's a brick

2007-02-20T05:03:00.000-08:00

and i'm drowning slowlysurvivors of the abortion holocaust.this disgusts me.let me make a few declarations about myself, to help put the things i'm about to say in context.i am not a religious christian; i do not believe in jesus christ as the messiah, who died on the cross for our sins.i do agree with most, if not all, of the teachings of christ. i think he was probably the greatest man to walk

twisted heart, betrayal be thy name

2006-09-15T03:50:00.000-07:00

i am finding that i love her like one of faith should love God.in its singular intensity, this love is no longer a thing of beauty,but of tragedy.at times, i am put to shame by it. all the love, the dedication, the sacrificehas made my limbs heavy, my spirit weak. i have not merely given my love,as it is meant to be, but wrung it from myself so violentlythat at some point i came to the

i see nothing but disaster

2006-08-07T04:00:00.000-07:00

now i'm taking you with meto give you folks some sort of perspective on the game that dragged me away from blogging every day, i thought i'd post up this video of the fight with Razorgore, the first major encounter in a place called Blackwing Lair. i've joined a new group of players, called a guild, today that allows me access to new content, basically. this fight is part of that new

on frail wings

2006-08-04T21:04:00.000-07:00

of vanity and waxso i got a lot of new music today, and some music that was new to me before that. i've got nothing better to talk about on here, i think i'll go over my impressions of all that new music. i suppose i could tell you about how i finally decided to pluck that heinous nosehair i mentioned the other night, but i think that was probably more information than you really need right

clip our wings

2006-08-02T17:26:00.000-07:00

crush our dreamshola children...listen; i wish i could tell you i've been off wrestling sharks in antigua where i happened to come upon lil john, his foot tangled in pirate ship wreckage, and rescued him subsequently becoming his most valued entourage member. and not even just because it would be a good excuse for not blogging since the dawn of man; that would actually be pretty fucking cool.but

treason

2006-05-01T18:44:00.000-07:00

a mixtape click the cover to downloadyou need WinRAR to open the archivetreason a mixtape produced by [the truth] for your listening pleasureinfocompiled: october26.2005produced: april30.2006quality: 160kbps/44,100Hz/stereo mp3site: http://fromfate.blogspot.comtracklistingunderoath .:. the blue notebayside .:. montaukhidden in plain view .:. bleed for youhalifax .:.

the process is automated

2006-04-27T23:18:00.000-07:00

but can i stop this machine from adjusting the aperture to focus on the negativei haven't written anything in here for a long time.this time there's a reason though; for the last month, if not longer, i've found it really hard to find a positive perspective on anything. everything i've been able to write takes on this negative spin; not the kind that charges things with vigor and makes them more

one day we'll miss the friends we had

2006-03-25T04:07:00.000-08:00

and have no friends that we'll miss one dayso i've taken it before, a few months back, but i was bored enough after tonight's epic failure of anyone in the county to have a party to take it again.i'm talking about okcupid's The Death Test.my results assured me the pleasure living to the ripe old age of 75, a merciful 2.5 years longer than the average male life-span. joy of joys.when i read that,

cause that's all it takes

2006-03-19T22:37:00.000-08:00

to buy a gunso a lot happened tonight, but i didn't do jack shit, really.i had one of the biggest breakdowns in recent memory this morning; one of those days where you wake up and before you even manage to drag yourself out of bed, you wish you'd stayed asleep, the hard way. oh, you don't have those kind of days? well i didn't either for a while, so savour every moment of that, alright?if my

standing in the shadow of my self

2006-03-17T21:52:00.000-08:00

today is st. patrick's day, and the celebration of irish blood is everywhere; i'm certainly proud to have it running in my veins. but it's a bittersweet time this year...st. patrick's day, and any other time i'm reminded of my irish ancestry, i choose to focus on the strength of spirit and character that is its hallmark. there are plenty of negative, stereotypical things to say about the irish;

you will come to rue this day

2006-03-15T12:33:00.000-08:00

the ides of march are upon us, and the question on the lips of everyone who bothered to notice the date is this; who have you betrayed? it's not an easy question to ask oneself, let alone to answer honestly. the nature of the admission requires an innate ability to recognize one's shortcomings, and a penchant for self-loathing never hurt so good. fortunately for you all, i'm in ample supply of

false pretense

2006-02-27T10:57:00.000-08:00

so instead of writing last night when i got back to school, i passed out. that kind of thing happens when you drive ~180 miles on 4 hours of sleep, and i'm sure the emotional duress of the day contributed considerably to my fatigue.so i started (and didn't finish) writing something the other day about how february 26th, 2006 would be exactly one year since leanne snuck home with me after the

2006-02-26T18:39:00.000-08:00

oh, have i got some shit to say once i drive home...

why were you crying

2006-01-30T07:30:00.000-08:00

could i have saved you?yes, i have, in all actuality, been a douchebag the past few weeks. not only that, but i return to you with one of the worst abuses of the comma i may have ever perpetrated. how's that for kindness?so on my google homepage this morning, i was met with this amazing quote which i have poached into jpg format for visual impact:moby, i can't lie to you; i don't much care for

and you know the quick path

2006-01-20T20:31:00.000-08:00

the righteous, the way backso i dunno, i'm bored and waiting for kendra to get off of work to see if she wants to go to a party my RA told me about...i wrote a letter to leanne today. it started out like just kind of elaborating on my daily life now that i'm at emporia, and ultimately kind of free-flowed into a lot of unabashed honesty. i was sitting in schillinger lounge, writing this letter,

such a gweed

2006-01-15T00:30:00.000-08:00

so this is what happened since i posted last:first of all, i fell behind on posting. the problem with that is that when i don't write about something that happened right away, things keep happening because that's just how life works. by the time i get around to writing again, i feel like i have to fit everything into one post and 'clear the backlog' so to speak. when i do that, it might all come

where i pine

2005-12-13T06:51:00.000-08:00

jimmy kimmel is a lucky man...a friend of mine linked me to this music video: Sarah Silverman - Give The Jew Girl ToysI'd be lying if i said i didn't laugh my ass off at that video. it's in a box right now, i'll have to go get it re-attached at some point. if anyone knows of a good place for that, any reccomendations are welcome...i caught silverman on comedy central's last laugh '05 the other

take me far away

2005-12-12T04:14:00.000-08:00

from standing in my own wayso the last.fm chart images aren't showing the updated information for this week, but fortunately there's a new sidebar called 'editor's picks' with a few of the staff's favorite custom user themes. this one stretches to fit string lengths, and it looks nicetop weekly artiststhere's no doubt at all in my mind i listened to that much snapcase in the past week. i've been

a furious insight

2005-12-12T00:25:00.000-08:00

from the depths of disappointmentmere hours after wishing i didn't have to regret looking at search referrers, that wish came true. it's something that i've actually been searching for, kind of on a hopeless contingency. i know that the rehab clinics anywhere around here are some of the most ineffectual in existence; it's that or the addicts around here are just some of the most severe cases ever

the mind boggles

2005-12-11T16:02:00.000-08:00

at this kind of iniquityi've mentioned that a lot of my hits come from coincidental matches to obscure searches. more often than not, i'd have rather never even known about these searches. today was one of those times.i'm not sure whether to be more apalled at the person who would search for this, or at the fact that my site is the only result for the search.obviously i don't have pictures of the

you better call him!

2005-12-09T23:35:00.000-08:00

he's in fall out boy, you better call him!right after i bitched about wanting that taste of christmas compilation on here, the goodly folks at RLG upped it. i love you guys, i really do; where else would i get all this great music?torrents? please, that ship has sailed as far as i'm concerned.IRC? that works for here at home just fine. in fact i get all of my sweet ass DnB stuff from IRC, thanks

if you know what life is worth

2005-12-09T02:47:00.000-08:00

you will look for yours on earthso in truth, the recent influx of christmas music on RLG is making me pretty fucking sick. maybe if they would post the a taste of christmas comp, i would be a little more into the christmas thing. i'd really like to hear that from first to last track on that compilation; if my memory serves me right, it was the last thing they recorded before jon left the band/was

tying in a lyric

2005-12-09T00:06:00.000-08:00

to these stories is just beyond me.so we're holding at balmy 1ºF here. it's not much higher than yesterday's adventure beyond the bounds of rational temperature, but at least it's bigger than 0.christ, what is this a fucking weather blog now?let us at least try to be more amusing...i realized something funny today, so i'm going to attempt to preserve that humor in the transition from my mind to

it's not here yet

2005-12-08T03:19:00.000-08:00

but i wish it would just go awayfuck christmas, dude.i know i should probably wait until like the monday before christmas to write this post, but i don't care anymore. i've been listening to this christmas comp for all of about 30 minutes, and i just want to stab myself. ugh.at least now i know i'm not the only one who thinks christmas is the one day of the year more depressing than valentines

this cold

2005-12-08T02:17:00.000-08:00

is in my heartjust when i go and open my mouth about how cold it is, check this shit out:that is some cold shit right there. there's also few inches of snow on the ground, which kind of annoys me. it's not that i don't like snow, in fact i love snow. i just don't like snow that i didn't get to watch coming down. i completely missed all the snowfall, and it's just really disappointing.i'm kind of

this could be a song lyric

2005-12-07T08:31:00.000-08:00

if i weren't so incredibly lazy and uninspired right nowwhen i see this on my desktop, i know it is definitely too fucking cold out. it's farenheit, by the way, not celsius. we left the freezing point behind us some time ago, discarded much like our christmas trees soon will be.when did it get that cold out? it was at least 20 the other night. that nine is before wind-chill too. this place is

We're looking for wives

2005-12-06T05:52:00.000-08:00

so tired of sluts comin to us in the clubs with their cocainehere are my updated top ten lists for the week of 11/27-12/04, courtesy of audioscrobbler and last.fmtop weekly artistsso it's fairly obvious that the american analog set, or AmAnSet as i call them when i don't feel like typing a lot, has free reign over my listening habits. the funniest thing about this fact is that only about 3 songs

could you take my picture

2005-12-06T04:18:00.000-08:00

cause i won't remember...so tonight i made a new friend on okCupid. i'm really starting to love that site, the quizzes are entertaining enough that i'd probably still spend a lot of time there without the social aspect. but there it is; you're reading your messages and maybe someone cool sent you a message, or maybe they're IMing you.i hear from girls that they despise the IM feature, because

paralyzed and paranoid

2005-12-04T02:49:00.000-08:00

we withdraw the hands we heldi guess i must have missed the memo or something, but now last.fm has code on their site to remotely display a couple of different charts for people to decorate their blogs and other indications of online presence with.i've briefly explained the last.fm/audioscrobbler plug-in before, it's keeps track of what tracks you listen to in your audio player and manages basic

i'm rich

2005-12-04T01:58:00.000-08:00

like a hot noiseso tonight casey and i had a conversation about what we would do if we won the lottery. this was especially ironic because it spawned from the previous topic, 'why trying to win the lottery is completely fucking stupid'. anyway, i came to the conclusion that i would do the following with the hypothetical sum of $15,000,000 US:first, i would invest something like a quarter of it in

i don't complain

2005-12-03T23:41:00.000-08:00

i'm over it i guessi really didn't have any time for posts yesterday,it was a little hectic.i hung out with marlena for a while once i got into town. we went to walmart, where i saw clayton aumiller for the first time since i graduated. he's still a big ridiculous gweed, like he always has been. that marty kid was with him and he tried to say 'hi' to me like he didn't spread lies around about

take that

2005-12-02T05:41:00.000-08:00

you chav twatsi really am not planning on making a habit, out of little shitty posts like this.but i really honestly couldn't resist linking this one:Rowdy teens beware: the Mosquito is comingLONDON (Reuters) - A Welsh inventor claims to have found the perfect solution to rowdy youngsters -- noise.Howard Stapleton says his device, the "Mosquito," emits an uncomfortable high-pitched ultrasonic

finding inspiration

2005-12-02T02:40:00.000-08:00

in my pastDrive, notes from the roadstarring mike vallelyclick this screenshot to view the movieso yesterday night i said that i'd found enlightenment while looking for a brown beanie. i was talking about this video, which i found on the element website, and the man in it. once you watch the video, you'll realize he doesn't go as far as to talk about philosophy so much as he just talks about the

random smattering

2005-12-01T22:28:00.000-08:00

of meaningless nonsensei've found some pretty cool blogs and other things in the past week, so i've decided to put them in one post for you to enjoy as well. it'll be a nice change from my usual essay format, not quite so drawn out...[misadventures in taiwan]so i got an email from gem, who publishes [mit], asking for a little help with some music from theindieconnection. she linked me to all the

you won't find it

2005-12-01T01:25:00.000-08:00

until you stop lookingi was looking for a new beanie tonight, and i found enlightenment. it's funny how that shit works.maybe not enlightenment in the sense of nirvana and/or ultimate fulfillment, but i've witnessed something beautiful that made me smile and brought a tear of happiness to my eye. as i basked in the glow of that happiness, i asked myself: when this moment ends and the next begins,

buy this car to drive to work

2005-12-01T00:03:00.000-08:00

drive to work to pay for this cararound 4pm, while i was taking a little nappy, leanne had sent me a 'hey dude' on msn. so when i woke up, you know, it was good to know she's still alive. i don't really know why it irritates me that she only talks when she feels like it. i mean i've said that i miss her as a friend, but it doesn't feel like that's the only reason. anyhow, i was kind of

words get caught

2005-11-30T09:13:00.000-08:00

you lose your train of thoughtso i stumbled upon the idea to just start saving little screenshots of chat windows instead of manually going in and color coding and formatting all that shit with html. that was a total timesink.here's an example:i like the way that looks better anyways, though i'll kind of miss seeing that nice purple color i used for the [leanne] tag. that's assuming i ever hear

all i want for christmas

2005-11-30T09:09:00.000-08:00

is a screwed, blunt beatso every year at thanksgiving dinner (or lunch, rather. we're an odd bunch.), my ma drops that hint: 'yeah, the boys still haven't given me a christmas list'. as if 30 days isn't a whole lot of time to shop for a couple of gifts.so i figured since i'm bored and looking for cool shit anyway, i'd make a list on here. i won't lie, i'm a little leery of how materialistic i may

what you see on tv

2005-11-29T23:31:00.000-08:00

is just a street themealright so here it is: i know i probably offended some people with my last post. it wasn't my intention at all, but i know that race relations is a controversial subject. it's a delicate balance of people being too touchy from years of persecution and me being too ignorant from years of being, well, a white kid from suburban kansas. i may be leaps and bounds more accepting

i know if i can hit once

2005-11-29T17:31:00.000-08:00

i can hit twicelet me teach you something about the way the internet works, children.everything is run by computers, no? so when you type in a search in your engine of choice, it's not some guy on the other side looking it up in a book and sending you back results; it's a computer. but computers don't understand our language, they just know what it looks like. that computer matches your search

used to be the reason to breathe

2005-11-28T22:53:00.000-08:00

but now you're choking me outthere's a song lyric from the song mix tape by brand new that says:But when I say let's keep in touch,I really mean I wish that you'd grow up.i think that's basically how i feel about leanne anymore.i said a few days ago that we haven't spoken since i saw her, and that didn't change over the weekend. i wrote her an email and tried to call her, almost assuming i

i look into those eyes

2005-11-28T18:42:00.000-08:00

and i see myselfso i got a comment on the RLG post that readsnice post. the riaa has never actually won a lawsuit--they've gotten settlements on all of them--and the law is far from clear on this subject.i don't link RLG because I think we as bloggers should encourage people to support artists by buying their stuff. i never post more than a few tunes off one album.how do you get the words to

every line is about

2005-11-26T12:42:00.000-08:00

who i don't wanna write about anymoreoro truth where art thouugh, who knows why the hell i haven't written in here in the longest time. it's not as if i haven't had time; in spite of the fact that sara and kendra are in town, i've not been terribly busy. it's not because i have nothing to write about; i've just kind of sat around and burned incense and meditated. not meditation in that

RedLightGlow

2005-11-23T15:42:00.000-08:00

I really wasn't planning on linking RedLightGlow on here, for a multitude of reasons.for one thing, i found it myself, and traditionally i'm pretty snotty about my music sources. it's not that i don't like you guys (that's not true. there's no telling whether i like you or not, since for the most part you're anonymous to me.). it's just that when the word gets out on this kind of thing, it

are we really happy

2005-11-18T11:39:00.000-08:00

with who we are right now?so i had an interesting thought in the shower today, as i seem prone to doing. i had to resist the urge to jump out with my hair still lathered to write about it, because it seemed like a good topic for this. let's be honest, without leanne as a frequent topic this blog has begun to look sort of... anemic.it's got a lot to do with the fact that the things i was writing

stay hard to find

2005-11-17T11:45:00.000-08:00

cause it's too hard to take iti woke up at 7.30am today. by the time i got a shower and breakfast, and called the county jail for an update on leanne's hearing time, it was just about 9am, and time for said hearing. i guess it's a good thing i had to come to the district court building to pay that speeding ticket back in september, otherwise i'd have never found the room lee was in in time;

i don't want to see the day

2005-11-15T20:37:00.000-08:00

my tears are falling on her gravewell i meant to get on here and post again friday night, but i ended up going out with my family instead. we went to hutch and bummed around at the mall and had dinner and a movie. actually, i had sara meet me for the late movie, so i didn't go to the movie with my family. they were all going to separate movies anyway; my mom wanted me to go to jarhead with her,

hold your head high

2005-11-11T15:02:00.000-08:00

heavy heartsave your strengthfor the morning afterthere will be a longer, most likely legitimate post later tonight.for the time being, i just want to say that i think The Academy Is... is the band that Fall Out Boy wanted to be. obviously one of them is more succesful, but us kids know who makes the better music.just look at the lyric up there starting in the subject, you don't even get lyrics

different names

2005-11-10T15:12:00.000-08:00

for the same thing?so my personal heroes at downhill battle have given a little link to a couple of sites determined to see firefox overcome internet explorer as the #1 browser on the internet.the first, explorer destroyer is based around google's firefox-refferal program. in this program, google has offered to pay one dollar into an adsense account for every user that downloads firefox as a

i know it's not a party

2005-11-10T04:02:00.000-08:00

if it happens every nightmy e-friend and regular reader mutts has declared that she would like to get dry.being the source for learning how to enjoy parties while you're the only sober one, i'd like to offer her a few pointers a few pointers.1) you never realize this until you're the only sober one in a crowd, but drunks people act fucking retarded for the most part. get a laugh out of it. if you

dream to make believe

2005-11-09T01:11:00.000-08:00

my heart will bleed, my mind deceive i had a really disconcerting nightmare last night; or today, rather. it's a time frame for when i slept in contrast to now that i'm awake, not a precise measurement. i tend to keep weird sleep hours when i get sick, and i think i'm starting to catch cold. let me start again:i had a nightmare just now, before waking up. most of the time as an adult when you

you can't do shit

2005-11-07T23:52:00.000-08:00

you little handicapped bitchso i've got the little side project i mentioned in the last post up and running, and i personally find it to be hilariously funny. i dunno if anyone else is as amused with it, though; including the other members of the blog...i'll let you take a look at something to write home about, and decide for yourself. so something... is my latest online experimentation involving

nobody knows

2005-11-07T01:44:00.000-08:00

the troubles i seen...i apologize for no new posts all weekend. i was just being a little bitch friday night, but saturday night i got a bunch of pictures from chris' disposable cameras that i wanted to post up here. so i sat down to write that, and my connection at home was royally fucked. i couldn't even get to the blogger dashboard, let alone upload all those pics to my ftp server. so i was a

not to be confused

2005-11-03T18:22:00.000-08:00

with the onset of wishing so i made 711 hits today, since the new layout. i can't really think of anything to write about at the moment, and i'm afraid that if i play another round of bejeweled 2 i'll have purple triangles and green circles burned into my retinas permanently.so when i saw 711 hits, i got excited because it gives me an excuse to talk about my favorite convenience store chain in

you take my breath away

2005-11-03T02:44:00.000-08:00

with your fingers around my throatand i can't draw the breath i needto tell you goodbyeso i wrote a letter to leanne, and sent her a good chunk of my paycheck.the money was for food; i trust her to buy food with it. besides, she's a pretty young girl, she's not playing the game right if she has to pay for the drugs, right?she called me sunday night, told me 'thanks' for the letter and the money.

open mouth, closed eyes

2005-11-02T18:49:00.000-08:00

no words are escapingi like the fall of troy.it's frantic and high pitched for the most part, but not hard to listen to, unlike dillinger escape plan. maybe they're in totally different 'way-too-fucking-fast-and-unintelligible' genres; i'm not scene enough to tell.what i do know is that today i've listened to this track whacko jacko steals the elphant man's bones like 8 times now.they're on the

i intentionally wrote it out

2005-11-01T23:57:00.000-08:00

to be an illegable messfirst order of businesspill poppers: much like recluse perverts, this sight is not for you. it was with great shame that i realized i am the top result for "WHAT CAN YOU TAKE THATS LIKE NOREPINEPHRINE". don't worry when you don't find what you're looking for on my site; you'll have plenty of time to read every page of the encyclopaedia brittanica since you won't be sleeping

and everyone'll be happy

2005-10-31T01:10:00.000-08:00

it'll be great3.07 am - merely experimental in naturei told you there would be pictures, and i would not lie to you. or else it would be pretty damn silly of me to call this blog the truth now wouldn't it?jess voraciously devouring a tortilla chipso i'm looking though my pictures of jess, and at least 25% of them involve food making contact with her mouth. this is my favorite though. i love jess,

you're all show

2005-10-30T18:03:00.000-08:00

and it's getting oldthe aiden, bayside, silverstein and hawthorne heights show last night was awesome. that's an understatement at which my disgust would inspire me to revise if i weren't so tired and sore.i did manage to upload those photos(of the underoath and the bled show a couple of weeks ago) from kendra's laptop friday night, but i never got around to putting them up here for you all to

i know, i know, i know

2005-10-28T04:24:00.000-07:00

i feel the same as youso the saga has finally been released.the three posts are now published. it's only been, what? two weeks since all that shit actually happened. plus, i've been loathe to blog in depth since then, for fear of having to divulge the details of that weekend before publishing the three posts. sometimes even i become completely convinced that i'm a douchebag.i'll list the posts

sealed with a kiss

2005-10-27T20:03:00.000-07:00

from a thorn-covered roseso as i drove to meet up with marlena on south elm friday night, i realized that i was headed toward leanne's mom's house. i'm not sure what made me think that was a good idea; in all likelihood, her mom wanted to wring my neck for helping her move out. i had marlena come with me, just in case. lana(her mom) and her stepdad weren't even home, so we went about hanging out

just between me and you

2005-10-27T20:02:00.000-07:00

i felt the rapture in your armsi could tell we were close to the beaumont when the streets started to look like a real-life xanga profile. black tees, black hair and black eyeliner. makeup and girl's jeans, on the boys and the girls. lots of x's all over the place, and not because there was anything pornographic going on. the sidewalk read like the 'top tracks' tab on my foobar playlist;

all of life

2005-10-27T20:01:00.000-07:00

and it's dull tediumfriday(oct.14th) evening i got into town from school at around 4pm, after talking to marlena and finding out she probably wouldn't get into town by the time we left. i had to wait around for the van to be checked up on at the shop downtown until about 5.30pm. that was no big deal; chris didn't get off until 5pm, and i figured he'd have a couple of things to do. so i loaded all

what the fuck

2005-10-25T01:10:00.000-07:00

do you do about this one?so in the process of finishing the last of the 'three posts' that should have been done early last week, i've developed my first celebrity crush since ally hilfiger on that mtv show rich girls a year or two back. don't even ask about that one; i don't see it myself anymore. those teeth...that girl that plays veronica marrs, kristen bell, too. i watched that show just to

divest of me no longer

2005-10-24T01:18:00.000-07:00

pain and love borne ever strongerso on that post about depression, mutts asked me if i was on anything for it, and offered to inform me about the biological aspects of it. i appreciate the concern and the offer of advice, it's much appreciated. i think i'm fairly aware of what's going on in there(my brain) but if after you read this and i missed something feel free to correct me.first of all the

i've been dreaming about you

2005-10-22T18:57:00.000-07:00

in a pool of your own bloodI'm being a complete twat about those three posts, not focusing on writing much over the last week at all, actually. i'm starting to feel a lot better thanks to a nearly three hour conversation with leanne last night. things are going significantly better both with the two of us as friends and for my state of mind since i started writing those posts. i have two of them

my black heart

2005-10-20T17:03:00.000-07:00

worn on my sleeveso it's important to note that i wore my bandana in a very un-assuming way to the mall on the today, with travis and nick(who was back in town for a while). i wore it beneath my japanese roma track suit, not entirely unlike an ascot (only not as flamingly pretentious, because it was me), the tracksuit zipped to the collar. i thought it smashing; perhaps even dapper, in a casual

turtle heads

2005-10-20T11:09:00.000-07:00

are pokin outi apologize for that title/subtitle combination, it's just beyond the line between vulgarity and humor, as far as i'm concerned. please not that i haven't changed it though; i'll let you decide if i'm just lazy or if i'm lying about being sorry.this is a conversation chris and i just had, or a section of it anyway. my reaction to it was sufficient to make me decide it was worth

do you feel hollow

2005-10-20T00:41:00.000-07:00

when you think of how i lied?so i had expected to have those three posts done by tonight, but a combination of okcupid tests, heavy MSN conversation, and a renewed battle with clinical depression have kind of sidetracked me. no, unfortunately, none of those msn convesations were with a certain person i'm dying to hear from. i don't think i've ever used that expression in a literal sense like that

preface

2005-10-18T18:41:00.000-07:00

so i'm going to break the last weekend into three easy-to-digest sections, because that's the most organized way i can think of now that chronological order is out of the question. one dealing with the road trip, chris, kendra, my sister Karen, etc. one about the concert, though i'll probably have to serialize that into another entry with pictures. one dealing the goings-on with leanne, because

ears still ringing

2005-10-16T20:08:00.000-07:00

eyes still wetat this very moment i'm sitting at home in mcpherson. i'm waiting for a phone call, too scared to leave town before i get it. i'm a goddamn mess right now, to tell you the truth. i'm stiff and sore and my chest feels hollow, and i could easily say that this has been the strangest weekend in memory.oh, you thought i was going to explain all that in this condition? no, i think not my

good days

2005-10-13T00:21:00.000-07:00

will come and go, you can be sure.just a quick blog-related note:i'm going to get my 500th hit with this post, being that i'm at 498 right now. shit, if i was getting regular web traffic, i'd hit it while i sat around writing this. but this isn't a regular website; there's no reason for you to read this except to read about my life and my insights. so you either care about the daily goings-on in

fuck censorship

2005-10-10T13:25:00.000-07:00

so i got an email from my mother today, about a petition to 'stop censorship'. my initial reaction was pretty gung ho, because i really despise censorship on the base level. i feel it undermines my right to make decisions for myself, and it also kept me from something that i love (music) for a long time, albeit indirectly.as far as verbal censorship, it is my personal belief that no single words

even search engines

2005-10-09T17:34:00.000-07:00

can be funny if you really tryso i was looking at the tracker stats for this page a bit ago. first of all it's kind of embarassing that the first time i've ever had such consistent traffic also happened to be the first time in a few weeks that i went days without writing anything. ugh. i'd been looking all over the place for ways to bolster my readership, when all i had to do was stop writing and

ad-fucking-venture

2005-10-04T15:48:00.000-07:00

first of all, i wrote something a lot more relevant than this post is going to be earlier today, so don't forget to look for that below this post. this is just a kind of retelling of a crazy day that i had yesterday. you can click here for the other post toothis map is the key to the whole post, click it for a bigger version. also, the clock in the corner has no signifigance, i was just too lazy

changing names

2005-10-04T11:37:00.000-07:00

so i briefly explained why i felt that the old name, 'Secrets of the Mysterious Gaijin' was just not very descriptive of the site in it's matured state. if i'd have known that i would end up writing daily about love, friendship, loneliness, and all the other hard parts of life, i wouldn't have given the title such arboreal tie-ins. when i started to write, i assumed it would more often than not

you are not mistaken

2005-10-02T07:08:00.000-07:00

i have indeed radically modified the visual appearance of my site.comment me or drop me a line to tell me what you think.so i just couldn't shake the notion that my old template, angels and soft colors and a 'sin' theme was just not me. the angel thing was cool, really. it actually kind of synergized with the ideology of the fallen, thanks to Yoshitoshi ABe's dilapidated, darker style. the

unexcused absence

2005-10-02T02:14:00.000-07:00

so i've been hard at work on something top secret, that's why i didn't post anything earlier today. i also slept a whole fucking lot today, but it makes things sound better if i just lie and say i was working on something all day, instead of just until 6am yesterday. last night night i felt like going to a party, i wanted to go out and meet some new people or something, which was kind of a weird

wtf was that it called...

2005-09-30T09:03:00.000-07:00

so right now i'm sitting here listening to music. specifically, i'm partaking in the raw binaural pleasure that is early silverchair. the scale of that one bar in suicidal dreams is still probably the vocal highpoint of the grunge genre; it is in my book. a close second is the bassy, almost spoken, style of cobain in nevermind's 'something in the way'.but what as i listen to this old silverchair

how about a little more fiber, chief...

2005-09-29T19:11:00.000-07:00

our toilet is still clogged. our bathroom, which is 8'x8' and is where i must shower, smells like a used diaper full of indian food. i've left two messages with the RA, and nothing. let me clarify that this is not new shit; this is the same shit that i tried to banish last night. this shit and i are building a repertoire.so i went to the mall after lunch. the question was posed to me, "why the

just a short inventory...

2005-09-29T01:15:00.000-07:00

AHH, goddamnit! i just accidentally dumped this whole 2oz. bag of famous amous cookies under my bed! extracting them for safe consumption under the geneva '5-second-rule clause' of 1947 was be a difficult and arduous task. we lost a lot of good men under that bed...ok so anyways, i fell asleep before the wings game last night, because i was fucking tired (cause and effect; confusing, i know), and

Tearing Out The Sutures

2005-09-27T23:43:00.000-07:00

or 'how i managed to have missed the first wings-avalanche game of the year.'so as you can even see in my screenshot post earlier today, i had resolved to talk to leanne on gAIM, instead of pretending to not to be there when she sent me messages. we had a pleasant talk, pleasant if not for the knot she puts in my stomach with everything she might be about to say. i find that i get a sick feeling

LOL hockeys

2005-09-27T15:00:00.000-07:00

so i felt like i should write something today, but i'm not feeling particularly expressive at the moment, so maybe something after i take a nap. or maybe something while i try to take a nap; that's when i seem to have most of my inspiration, it's one of the leading causes of insomnia the tim.so up above there is a screenshot of what my desktop looks like on this very day in september. it's up

in your wake

2005-09-26T09:42:00.000-07:00

well, i'm just not sure how to delve into the real meat of what i've decided over this weekend yet, but rest assured i will get to it soon.so instead of a long, intense post about angsty things, i decided to write a shorter, themed post about angsty things. one thing in particualr, actually.so without further ado (much of it about nothing, am i rite?), i present to you 'in your wake', as denoted

Chinese people don't buy gold for WoW!!1!

2005-09-25T22:50:00.000-07:00

so i really feel like writing, and i figured since i have been doing any of that in here the last few days, i'd write for this. i have been playing an insane amount of World of Warcraft this weekend, but i did finally top level 20 with my character, and i've run Ragefire Chasm and Wailing Caverns a couple of times each. while i was playing last night, i came to the realization that there is no

afterthoughts

2005-09-21T22:43:00.000-07:00

*written on september 18th, 2005on the evening of february 25th, 2004, leanne brock whispered seductively into the ear of tim rosproy, 'i'm too hot for you, timmy...". it was not until tonight, almost 6 months later, that i came to think that maybe she was right...i've spoken of leanne, at least in passing, in this blog since november '04. as far as i can tell, i've had a crush on her since i

real cool, dave

2005-09-21T04:27:00.000-07:00

so i've been trying to post this humongous post since the night before last, but for some reason or another it just hasn't been working. now that i can actually publish again, i swear it'll be on the page tomorrow afternoon. so get your reading glasses ready, it's a fucking doozy.or maybe it'll make you 'dozy'...oh, whatever. i'm clicking publish now...

you heard the one about the dutch boy who put his finger in a dyke...

2005-09-16T02:29:00.000-07:00

From: [mummy@nooo.freeserve.co.uk]Message-Id: <20050916082520.E678069ED5@server2.neturf.net>Date: Fri, 16 Sep 2005 03:25:20 -0500 (CDT)(Today at 09:25:20am) Z has sent you the following Instant Message:->*<-I understand that you are a 19 year old male.The agreement you signed when registering on this board states no biological males can join. Please delete your profile forthwith.->*<-do you truly

giraffes...

2005-09-15T23:42:00.000-07:00

so i just wrote that other post, right, the one below this one. i mentioned having a conversation about what giraffes sound like, because that really was something my friends and i spent the better half of a friday night trying to decide. for me, hilarity ensued.so then it dawns on me; this is the age of the internet, an era ripe with obscure information, free to one and all. so i asked my good

little pick-me-ups

2005-09-15T19:12:00.000-07:00

i wasn't really planning on posting tonight, to be honest. i was going to do the same thing i did last night: slough it off, whilst slipping deeper into this comatose state of depression. last night i pretended to be too busy, fucking around with konfabulator widgets, and tonight i've been telling myself that i can't think of anything to write about, and i feel guilty for writing 'dear diary' and

i'm apparently of age in canada...

2005-09-13T23:48:00.000-07:00

so today was my birthday. whoopty-fucking-doo, right? yeah, it is right.so i woke up to a MSN window from leanne, telling me "happy birthday!!". i tried to call her cell to thank her, but i guess she had it disconnected, so i talked to her on msn instead. things were really civil, she told me a few stories, talked about how she had no way to get ahold of rachel, etc. if this is the way things are

vampire's lament

2005-09-12T22:01:00.000-07:00

so it's just now technically the 19th anniversary of my being. i was going to write this later today, but jess just called me at exactly oh-hundred to say happy birthday, and i thought that was funny. a little weird, but very funny and much appreciated. i guess sara had the exact same idea, but i ruined it by saying something about it first. it would have been funny to see jess and sara's phones

what to say...

2005-09-11T14:25:00.000-07:00

so i've been hanging out with josh, chris, nick, sara, jess, kendra and her roommate crystal all weekend. i can honestly say that i had a really great time; i enjoyed acting like a dork and making a fool of myself in front of my close friends. so this afternoon, i caught a ride home from nick's with sara, and she came in to burn some cds. so we sit down to start pirating, and i see that i have a

a letter with no future

2005-09-08T02:46:00.000-07:00

Dearest Leanne, it's been less than a week since the moment i realized things just weren't going to be right again. it's true that i've felt as though i should regret my decision a few times, but only for a moment. i know deep down that i did what had to be done, and the finality of that notion hurts me much more deeply than the thought of having made a mistake. i'm stricken with the feeling

changes (or: another unimaginative title)

2005-08-23T22:48:00.000-07:00

so i don't have a working network connection tonight, and therefore no internet, so i'll be sticking this up post-connectivity, hopefully tomorrow night. i have to submit my MACaddress to the admins tomoorow, and install their managed anti-virus software, and make sure i'm 100% up to date on windows update patches before i can get it working. fortunately i had little else better to do this last

link round-up

2005-08-20T09:06:00.000-07:00

so i found some interesting links today, and i really want to be writing in here more than i do, so i figured i'd at least make a cop out 'cool stuff' post.Slipknot Sues Burger Kingthis just completely confuses me. slipknot is sueing burger king over these new 'coq roq' commercials that sell chicken fries. they're claiming that burger king is trying to manipulate the 'slipknot generation' by